Words you'll never hear

It's funny really, in a tragic sort of way, what you do to me.

I like to think I am strong and will be satisifed to love you quietly while remaining simply your friend in order to keep you in my life. Yet, that right there shows you just how weak I am.

These feelings frighten me so. I have been hurt in the past and have vowed never to open myself again, yet there is something about you that makes it impossible for me to keep my heart chained up.

I've tried not to think about what it would be like to make love to you.

To be honest, I don't know if I could handle it.

I want you so badly and so completely - mind,body & soul.

I long to lay under the stars with you, holding each other, oblivious to everything around us.

I could and do get lost in your eyes.

I think I would explode if I ever looked into them and suddenly discovered that you loved me too.

But I don't need you to tell me what a foolish fantasy that is.

You are everything I have ever dreamed about and everything I don't deserve.

Loving a Friend

I have been foolish enough to let you know I care about you,

though not foolish enough to let you know how much.

I am mesmerized by your smile, hypnotized by your eyes, consumed by thoughts of you.

I long to feel your arms wrapped around me - holding me gently, securely - never letting me go. My heart breaks a little more each day, knowing you'll never be mine.

I've surrendered myself to dreams that will never come true.

I don't know how I make it through the days when I can't see you. Just talking with you brings a smile so grand it hurts. But it's a good kind of pain.

I want to know everything about you - your thoughts, your dreams, your aspirations.

I want to be the one you turn to when things aren't right.

I want to be the one to make everything in your life seem worth it.

You deserve so much better than I will ever be.

Yet, I can not deny there's a small part of me that can't help but to think...

I am just what you need.

I wish I had the courage to let you know just how very much I am in love with you and how badly I wish you would love me back.

*sigh*

Misery & lonlieness - I know them well.

These days they seem to be my only true friends.

I embrace both, knowing I deserve nothing more.

Silently crying out for a hope that abandoned me long ago.