Someone I know once said something to the
effect of there being different loves in our lives for the different periods of
our lives. But what happens when what
you truly desire, long for, yearn for is to find the one love that can last
through many periods of your life, growing stronger each and every day? Does such a love exist? Can anyone find this love or is it reserved only
for those people who some unknown deity finds worthy? How will we know when we have truly found that
love?
Until very recently, I believed, with my entire being, including my deeply scarred, hardened and blackened soul that such a love did not exist. At least not for me! I spent my days feeling semi-sorry for myself. Beating myself up; reliving many past relationships and ‘loves of my life’. Convincing myself I was undeserving; unworthy of anything so real, so pure, and so amazing! Trying desperately to recall exactly what I had done so wrong in my life to make Karma repeatedly bitch slap me & skip away laughing. But now, I get it! I really finally get it! I no longer fear growing old alone. I have found my absolute best friend, the man who completes me and compliments me in every way possible; intellectually, emotionally and yes, even physically. He makes me laugh; he makes me smile; he has shown me how to be happy not only with myself, but with life in general. Even when we are not physically together, he is still with me. I feel his love, his warmth & his presence at all times. I know what we have is true. I know what we have is real. I know what we have will stand the tests of time. I know what we have will only continue to grow stronger with every second of every day, year after year after year. I know we were made and caused to cross paths just for each other. It may have taken us 40 years to find each other, but I am not bitter about the time it took. I do not look at it as having been cheated out of so many years of happiness with him; after all we have many, many years still ahead of us. It simply means we were not ready, had not experienced enough in our lives to be ready for or recognize this amazing miracle until now.
Until very recently, I believed, with my entire being, including my deeply scarred, hardened and blackened soul that such a love did not exist. At least not for me! I spent my days feeling semi-sorry for myself. Beating myself up; reliving many past relationships and ‘loves of my life’. Convincing myself I was undeserving; unworthy of anything so real, so pure, and so amazing! Trying desperately to recall exactly what I had done so wrong in my life to make Karma repeatedly bitch slap me & skip away laughing. But now, I get it! I really finally get it! I no longer fear growing old alone. I have found my absolute best friend, the man who completes me and compliments me in every way possible; intellectually, emotionally and yes, even physically. He makes me laugh; he makes me smile; he has shown me how to be happy not only with myself, but with life in general. Even when we are not physically together, he is still with me. I feel his love, his warmth & his presence at all times. I know what we have is true. I know what we have is real. I know what we have will stand the tests of time. I know what we have will only continue to grow stronger with every second of every day, year after year after year. I know we were made and caused to cross paths just for each other. It may have taken us 40 years to find each other, but I am not bitter about the time it took. I do not look at it as having been cheated out of so many years of happiness with him; after all we have many, many years still ahead of us. It simply means we were not ready, had not experienced enough in our lives to be ready for or recognize this amazing miracle until now.
I can hear the skepticism and guffaws
now. I hear you saying “I’ve heard this
before!” I hear you saying “You always
say ‘but this one is different!’ ” Oh
yes, I hear it all. But this IS
different and this IS real!!! How can I
say this and truly mean it? Because I
just KNOW!!!
In the past, when I have ventured into a new
relationship, jumped in with both feet, given wholly of myself, only to be
disappointed, hurt, and left more & more bitter with each failed attempt
there has always been a few common denominators.
I always THOUGHT they were ‘the one’’;
THOUGHT they were different; THOUGHT … THOUGHT …THOUGHT!!! This time I KNOW! There is no doubt, no fear, no hesitation, and
no exceptions.
While I gave every relationship everything I
had; I went into each one fighting to make it work from day one, already
knowing the end was imminent and simply hoping I was wrong. Or even worse, fighting my feelings out of
fear of rejection, fighting my feelings because it was ‘too soon’ or unrealistic,
trying to hold back my feelings because what I felt for them was so much
stronger than what they felt for me! This time there is no fight, no end in
sight, no fears and I know every feeling I have; he shares equally with me!
I spent my time on people who made me feel
like I wanted to be a better person. Like
I needed to be a better person because who I was simply wasn’t good
enough! This time, the person I am is
more than good enough and together we are both better people, not out of a need
or desire to be, we just are!
In the past there were always excuses to be
made and flaws to be over looked. Now, there
is nothing I need to make an excuse for.
No flaws in him or what we have.
No I am not blinded by this new beginning, nor am I wearing rose colored
glasses. . my vision is flawless, as is he & what we are building.
I am now a complete believer in love that can
make it through all periods of my life!
I believe true, equal partnerships exist. I believe I am as amazing, beautiful,
intelligent, and as funny as he says I am.
I believe in him and his feelings for me. I believe I am worthy. I believe I am truly
one of the very few lucky and blessed people who can say they have found their
soul mate, their other half that makes them whole! I believe in us!!!! I believe in the
existence of real, everlasting love!!!!
