Emotional/Mind Struggles

THINGS I FOCUS ON:	THINGS I SHOULD FOCUS ON:
I'm struggling to live paycheck to paycheck!	I have a job!!!!
I'm 40 years old & still live in one of my parents houses & don't foresee me ever owning a home of my own.	I have a roof over my head!
Twice divorced, single, feeling like I will never find that 'special someone' to share my life & that I should start investing in cats even though I'm a dog person & will die lonely.	I don't have to answer to anyone; I have experienced love in my life; I am refusing to settle for less than I deserve.
I am sooo sick of being a fat-ass; can't stand to look at pictures of myself or my own reflection in the mirror.	I am obviously not starving!
How I can't manage to find the energy or motivation to lose weight.	Forcing myself to get up off the couch, eat right & exercise!  It will help more than my weight loss. . .
Where my oldest boy is in his life & the struggles he can't seem to over-come	I have been blessed with children who are my entire world
That I only see my Little Man every weekend and feel so shut out of his life	I have been blessed with children who are my entire world
My health & physical fitness really suck!!	I am ALIVE & I can improve my health & fitness
My life has not turned out anywhere near how I had hoped, planned or dreamed it would be. No white picket fence; no happy, loving, whole, family; I have missed out on so much in life & my kids have had to as well. . .  I feel like such a failure.	I have had amazing experiences in my life! I have lived in Korea, Iraq, Texas, New Jersey; been to Germany, Ireland, quite a few States; 15+ years in the Military; Been blessed with children who are my world;
Rude people; people who have lied to get ahead/gain 'admiration' & come out looking like the 'great ones' at my expense - making me look like a lying, coniving, loser. . .who has to continually fight to TRY to prove myself, only to more often than not - LOSE!!	I know in my heart, that I have remained honest, true to myself; I have made mistakes,learned from them & owned them!  The people who are an important part of my life, also recognize & know this - forget about changing the thoughts/lies deception of the ones who don't truly matter!
How badly this depression eats me alive; those who don't suffer this disease will never understand it & telling me to 'get over it' only make things worse!!!	Finding the stength & will-power to FIGHT this damn disease & 'get over it'!!!!