Whew......slacking in so many areas...

I apologize to all and mostly to myself.....I have shamelessly neglected my blog for quite a while....HOWEVER.....it is not because I'm stressed, having bad days or am depressed.  Rather the exact opposite.  Life is AMAZING, GREAT, WONDERFUL & I am happier than I have ever imagined a person could be!  

There is ONE area, relationship, that has me saddened & I have no one but myself to blame for that....I need to force myself to take the time to rectify that.  I know, that sounds harsh...as if this person isn't important enough to me...that I have to 'make time'....That is NOT the case.  There have been some hurts...deep wounds...on both our parts.  Hell some of the reasons for my hurt...I can't quite point a finger to!  Some of it has to do with the length of time I have let pass by without explanations.  I now feel kind of silly, disappointed in my self & embarrassed by my lack of fortitude in attempting to repair the broken pieces.  I have to admit...I'm also a bit afraid of truly losing my soul sister because as much as I love, value, treasure, respect & admire her & our relationship......my family (immediate family - Ryan & our kids) will always take precedence.  It has nothing to do with the whole "I have a man now....I don't need my friends" syndrome...It is and has been accepted that Ryan is a 'family man'...always has been...always will be....I have always been a 'family woman'...just never had a family to focus/concentrate on.  I've had my children & I haven't been anywhere near the greatest role model or at times even a decent mother.....I am finally mentally in a place where I can be that.  Well at least a good role model & a good mom...to ALL my boys & even my daughter!  Because I would rather sit at home and be with my family does not mean I love & care about my friends any less....it is just the way I am 'wired'.....I'm just soooo afraid of losing that close bond because it's acceptable for Ryan to be that way...but for some reason it won't be okay for me....because before I had my family....No one could see that side of me.  Contrary to popular belief...I am always here for my friends....call me (even though I hate talking on the phone) - your troubles are worth my time...as are your accomplishments & happy times.  Email me...text me....I'm not good at reading between the lines & knowing when you need help, a shoulder, an ear or even a hug....I may not run out & be by your side physically...but I AM always here for you....I don't always know what to say or do....I suck with that.  I am very uncomfortable when people I care about are hurting or struggling....I don't know what to say or do...I feel awkward....I don't want to pretend I know your exact pain...I don't want to say the wrong words or do the wrong thing & seem insensitive or make matters worse....but I guess my ways now do the same thing....I am sorry!  I love you Sis!  I value you!  I need you!  I want you (not in a female Broke Back Mountain kinda way either)!  I'm sorry for everything!  I'm sorry to do this in this kind of manner.....heck...when I started this blog entry...I didn't even intend for it to take this turn...it just did....and I'm glad it did though, which is why I'm keeping it...not changing it and am going to post it for you....for me...for the world!!!!

Okay...now that I have rambled on....my intent of this was to acknowledge, apologize for & rectify my Blog slacking.....Peace...Love & Happiness to all!!!!