Where did we go wrong?

Everlasing - Unconditional Love...Does such a love exist?
Will we ever manage to find it if it does?
Will it find us?
Will we be able to recognize it?
Whatever happened to our days of friendship, laughter and fun?
How can we live out the rest of days in this hell we have created?
How do we begin to find ourselves and each other?
I love you dearly and miss you as well as us more than words can express.
I so fear that we may be lost beyond being able to be found.
Please say it isn't so.
Please say you want to help me find all that we have lost. . .
All that we may have never had to begin with.

Goodbye to my husband

I know now I've made promises to you that I just can't keep. It was never my intention to cause you pain. I am devastated by your tears, yet I can no longer hold mine back. I wanted so desperately to be loved - I selfishly stole yours while never really giving you mine.

This lie I'm living is eating me up inside. I fear the consequences I must face for being so cruel. Yet I must let you go. Please know I will always care for you and treasure the moments we've shared. However, it is time for me to set you free.

The hurt will pass, you will go on, you must go on.

Words you'll never hear

It's funny really, in a tragic sort of way, what you do to me.

I like to think I am strong and will be satisifed to love you quietly while remaining simply your friend in order to keep you in my life. Yet, that right there shows you just how weak I am.

These feelings frighten me so. I have been hurt in the past and have vowed never to open myself again, yet there is something about you that makes it impossible for me to keep my heart chained up.

I've tried not to think about what it would be like to make love to you.

To be honest, I don't know if I could handle it.

I want you so badly and so completely - mind,body & soul.

I long to lay under the stars with you, holding each other, oblivious to everything around us.

I could and do get lost in your eyes.

I think I would explode if I ever looked into them and suddenly discovered that you loved me too.

But I don't need you to tell me what a foolish fantasy that is.

You are everything I have ever dreamed about and everything I don't deserve.

Loving a Friend

I have been foolish enough to let you know I care about you,

though not foolish enough to let you know how much.

I am mesmerized by your smile, hypnotized by your eyes, consumed by thoughts of you.

I long to feel your arms wrapped around me - holding me gently, securely - never letting me go. My heart breaks a little more each day, knowing you'll never be mine.

I've surrendered myself to dreams that will never come true.

I don't know how I make it through the days when I can't see you. Just talking with you brings a smile so grand it hurts. But it's a good kind of pain.

I want to know everything about you - your thoughts, your dreams, your aspirations.

I want to be the one you turn to when things aren't right.

I want to be the one to make everything in your life seem worth it.

You deserve so much better than I will ever be.

Yet, I can not deny there's a small part of me that can't help but to think...

I am just what you need.

I wish I had the courage to let you know just how very much I am in love with you and how badly I wish you would love me back.

*sigh*

Misery & lonlieness - I know them well.

These days they seem to be my only true friends.

I embrace both, knowing I deserve nothing more.

Silently crying out for a hope that abandoned me long ago.